Couples are abandoning traditional dress codes in favor of themes out there

NEW YORK –

“Space Disco Cowboy.” “Hunt Shabbos.” “Burning Man formal”? More and more couples are throwing tradition into battle when it comes to what wedding guests should wear, to some confusion among invitees.

Maggie Long, 34, recently attended a close friend’s wedding at a low-key Denver lounge. The proposed dress? “Dive Bar Semi-Formal.”

“I like a theme,” says Long, who lives in New York. “It’s nice that people don’t take weddings so seriously, but I had no idea what that meant.”

After months of exchanging thoughts with the officiant, who is also a friend, Long took her outfit idea — a low-cut ultra-mini purple dress with straps at the back and a high side slit — to the bride. The bride thought it was a bit too “Kardashian cosplay.” Long ended up opting for a longer Norma Kamali gold dress, and it was a blast.

“There were a lot of vintage jumpsuits. One of our friends went for the 1960s with go-go boots and a bouffant. There were a lot of sequins on display,” Long said.

Some couples offer mood boards as a way to guide guests, including older ones. At the dive bar wedding, Long said many older guests got into the mood. One of them wore a rainbow tie-dye T-shirt, a la the Grateful Dead.

Other wedding guests have competed with “Tropical Formal,” “Snappy Casual,” and “Garden Party Whimsical.”

DRESS CODE NOT FOR EVERYONE

Heading into the busy summer season for weddings and other special events, Indya Wright in Washington, DC has had enough.

She recently posted on Twitter, “These dress codes for New Age events are the bane of my existence. What happened to just ‘casual’, ‘cocktail’ and ‘formal’? Now I have to Google ‘After 5 Formal Festive Renaissance- clothes’ to find out if you want me to teach Great Gatsby or King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table.”

Wright, 35, remains frustrated. A college classmate’s wedding had a “smart, but not too smart casual” dress code.

Renee Strauss, co-founder and CEO of Wedaways, the wedding planning company in Beverly Hills, California, said crazy dress codes boil down to couples striving to make their weddings custom and unique.

“The key is making sure there’s communication behind the dress code. Don’t just confuse the guests,” she said.

When her company builds wedding websites for clients, it includes dress code descriptions like “Wine Country Chic,” urging couples to offer a broad enough palette for people to express themselves. ‘Tropical Formal’, for example, can consist of long, flowy dresses in bright summer colors and linen suits with playful ties.

“Most guests have a lot of fun with it,” Strauss said.

‘IT’S NOT A COSTUME’

Rikki Gotthelf, 32, in Los Angeles, recently attended one wedding and has three more this year. She was a bridesmaid for the “Space Disco Cowboy” wedding of friends who took their guests to an abandoned ghost town near Austin, Texas.

“We had these shiny intergalactic Batsheva prairie dresses. Mine was iridescent,” Gotthelf said. “Another wedding I went to was ‘Funky Formal’.”

For advice, Gotthelf turned to Sophie Strauss, who describes herself as a “stylist for everyday people.” Strauss suggests contacting the couple if they haven’t made themselves clear.

“They won’t be offended,” she said. “They’re invested enough in how everyone looks to have established a crazy dress code.”

One of her clients is having a ‘Music Festival Formal’ wedding soon.

“He clarified with the pair that it’s more Woodstock, less Burning Man. Good to know,” Strauss said.

The difference? Flowy hippie dresses, bell pants, tunics, tie-dye, big round sunglasses and woven headbands for the former. “Mad Max meets Carnival on mushrooms” in crippled, combat boots, rhinestones, body paint and goggles for the latter, she said. Her client opted for a neutral linen suit with one or two vintage beaded necklaces.

Strauss begged guests staring outside to remember the dress code: “It’s not a costume. Unless, of course, it’s literally a costume party.”

Small adjustments can be enough, such as wearing a regular suit but swapping out a dress shirt for one with a themed pattern. James Berger, 32, in Las Vegas, was one of the guests told to express their inner spirit. He managed to combine a black polka dot bow tie with a formal suit that made him feel “slightly out of place” among a sea of ​​vibrant colors.

Strauss is regularly confronted with the problem with her clients.

“I had a client who had to do a ‘Fancy Ranch’ theme a few months ago and she was tempted to go out and buy a new outfit from head to toe,” Strauss said. “But pairing a pair of cowboy boots with a summer dress or swapping a tie for a bolo tie goes a long way. And if you’re really into it, you can add a cowboy hat. You don’t have to dress like Orville Peck for the theme, but if that’s your style, oh my god, go for it!”

MEANING BEHIND WEDDING THEMES

There is often a sentimental meaning behind wedding themes. Madison Smith, 32, is a May 2024 bride and her dress code reads “Black Tie Sunset Glam.” The wedding will take place at the Bonnet Island estate in Long Beach Island, New Jersey.

“It’s in honor of my late grandfather,” she said of the theme. “His favorite thing was the sunset where I’m getting married.”

Her vision? Evening dresses in orange, yellow, purple, blue and pink with fun accessories, and tuxedos with bows and pocket squares in the same colours.

Smith, in Arlington, Virginia, doesn’t keep guests guessing. She works for Pinterest and is already pinning inspiration to boost them. Her bachelorette party guests have their own sign to address Smith’s “LoveShackFancy” dress code.

“They have no precedent for an unusual dress code where a couple asks for anything other than black tie, formal, cocktail or casual attire. If you receive an invite that says ‘Festive Hudson Valley Chic’ or ‘Tropical Hipster’ , that certainly could have offered more questions than less for those accustomed to more traditional themes,” said Amy Shey Jacobs, founder of Chandelier Events in New York.

“Chic as F–k.” “Gay garden party.” “Black tie great.” “Colorful cocktail.” “Sparkle and Shine.” “Red carpet ready.” Jove Meyer, owner and creative director of an eponymous event planning company in Brooklyn, has incorporated all of the above into a dress code.

“As much as I love a fun and unique dress code, I always recommend that couples clarify exactly what they mean with a descriptive sentence or two so there’s no guesswork,” he said.

Brittny Drye, editor-in-chief of wedding magazine Love Inc., said guests don’t hesitate to question the couple about a puzzling dress code.

“We never want to bomb the couple,” she said, “but if they ask their guests to adhere to a non-traditional dress code, they sign up to be allowed to ask questions.”