If you are on the run, you just want to survive. This is what it means to thrive

Aqila Tavakali is a former high school director in Kabul who is now in North York, Ont. This piece is written with Mellissa Fung, a journalist and the author of Between good and evil: the stolen girls of Boko Haram.

When I arrived in Canada in November 2022, my first feeling was happiness. It was not because I was completely relaxed, but because I had achieved something that felt impossible until it actually happened: I had brought my family to safety from Afghanistan.

Leaving our house was not an easy decision for us. I was the director of Sayed Ul-Shuhada High School for girls in Kabul, and we were happy. But I was afraid after a bomb attack on the Islamic State of the school, killed more than 80 of our students, and afraid of an uncertain future when the Taliban returned to power. When I think back to August 2021, when the Taliban took Kabul, fear is what I mainly remember. People ran to the airport, desperate to get out. Some young men even lost their lives to hold the wheels of a departing plane to try to escape.

Many Afghans have never forgotten the crimes of the first line of the Taliban. And while the international community believed that the Taliban had changed, the past four years have proven that we were right: nothing has changed. Women have been erased from society and there is no more freedom. The Taliban have forbidden girls’ training for girls in the past of class 6, including at Sayed Ul-Shuhada (although boys are still going to high school). It is very difficult and painful for me to imagine what life under the shadow of the Taliban would have done me and my family.

So when I arrived in Canada for the first time, I felt a kind of peace, because we had overcome the incredible opportunities and had succeeded in escaping all of that. My first impression of the country was so special: we arrived at night and on the road from the airport the city of Toronto shone with its bright lights and tall buildings. It looked so beautiful.

The next day our sponsors brought us out. The houses were beautiful, just like in the films. The streets were calm and peaceful. I kept thinking to myself: a developed country keeps its people safe.

Yet my mind was full of questions. What do my children learn here at school? Will they be stopped? Shall we have problems here due to cultural differences? And what will come afterwards?

We were lucky. The part that seemed impossible was behind us – now we had to find out what we had to do with every opportunity for us. But after so much focus on trying to survive, we were faced with a new, other challenge, even if it was not as dramatic as our escape: try to thrive.

When you start in a new country from zero, there are many challenges. In the beginning, loneliness was difficult, so far from my friends and family. We had to look for a place to rent, and our agent kept telling us that it would be difficult because we were a large family. That was a culture shock; There are only five of us, and in Afghanistan we are considered a very small family. Thanks to our sponsors, we eventually found a place that we could call home, but it took us a few months.

And even after we had done that, our landlord was always in our case. They kept asking: why do we always cook so much food? Why do we always have guests? Why does my husband talk so hard on the phone? (He has a hearing problem.) Since then we have moved to another apartment.

But for me the most difficult part was how the roles in our family changed. It is as if my husband and I have become the children and our children have become the parents. In Kabul I was a director who was responsible for 7,000 students and 200 teachers. But now, because my English was not good and I am not familiar with technology, I need the help of my children to be able to handle many daily tasks. This deepened my self -confidence and felt less capable.

My husband Musa has also had problems learning English because of his hearing problem. Life is also busy here, so it is not easy to make social connections. Musa often misses Kabul. He believes there is no place like your own country.

But the most important thing is that my children are really happy here – and I am so proud that they excel. My oldest, Tamanna, completed a six -month course to become a pharmacy assistant, but she could not find a job in that area. She obtained her high school diploma and registered at the university. She is currently in the second semester of her studies to become a stewardess. She also works in a restaurant, so she supports our family now. I hope she will become a pilot one day. Abolfazl is in class 12 and also works on weekends to contribute to the family; He is interested in working with the army in the future. And Ali is in class 6. He has made many friends at school and won a prize for teamwork. He wants to become a member of the basketball team next year.

The schools in Canada are beautiful. The buildings are full of large classrooms, with internet and gymnasiums, and everything that students need. I am deeply sad that the girls from my home country are denied access to education. I really hope that one day Afghan girls can study next to boys again and have the basic options that they rightly deserve.

I am grateful that my children get the chance to study here. I really believe that if they benefit from what is offered here, they can create a successful and safe life. And for me there is nothing better than seeing my children growing and learning. This, I learned, is what it means to thrive.

As far as I am concerned, I study in a high school for adults. My goal is to obtain my diploma and then go to university to study social work because I have always wanted to help people. I would like to work for a great humanitarian organization, so that I can help people in need. Being part of a community is important to me.

More than whatever, I miss my students in Kabul. I miss my school, my colleagues, the friendly environment and the passion I had to serve my people. But I am hopeful about the future of my family in this country. Canada has not only given us safety; It also welcomed us as people with equal rights. Here immigrants are not just guests; They have the chance to be part of this society, to build a better future and even become citizens.

My advice to new Afghan immigrants: don’t worry about the education or language of your children. They will find their own way. What you can do is work on your own English, learn how to use technology and try to understand the rules and systems in this country. Canada offers many opportunities to grow. If you do your best, you can build a good future for yourself and your family.

I am so happy to live in Canada, because my children can live in safety, study, work hard and build their future. If you live in a place where you feel safe, calm and happy, you start to feel that it is your home. That is exactly how we feel.