Elliot Page couldn’t imagine telling his own story – here’s why he’s sharing it now

At age 20, Elliot Page became the fourth youngest person to be nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress for his role in Junoa film about a young woman who has to decide what to do about an unplanned pregnancy.

But Page couldn’t enjoy the feeling of reaching a major career milestone because he was dealing with a deep inner struggle.

“In that time after Juno I felt guilty about feeling a negative emotion,” Page said Q‘s Tom Power in an interview. “I just felt, ‘Oh, you’re so ungrateful. This is what so many people want.’

“[You’re] being told that your dreams come true all the time when I honestly didn’t feel that way. That wasn’t a festive time for me at all, and I was pretty miserable.”

It took Page years to come out as gay, which he did in a speech at the Human Rights Campaign’s Time to Thrive conference in 2014, and in 2020 came out as trans in an emotional Instagram post. Now the Canadian actor has written a memoir entitled Page boydetailing the fears and obstacles he encountered while negotiating his identity in the public eye.

Power noted some irony in the fact that with Junoand other roles in movies such as Hard candy And Whip itPage had developed a reputation for playing confident and outspoken characters, when in real life he felt pressured to hide his true self.

My weirdness and my transness are part of what Junocool made.-Elliot Page

“Particularly in my late teens, I was really confident and outspoken in some ways,” Page said. “I could take the producer of Juno to thrift stores in Vancouver and say, “This is what she’s going to wear.” And felt able to communicate those things, at least from a creative standpoint. And then, in so many ways, I feel like that was squashed.

“When that movie became the surprise hit, it became, and profitable, all of a sudden they didn’t seem to want the magic I brought to that character that made that character special… My weirdness and my transness are part of what made Juno cool. What made that character special and resonated in a new way, especially with a lot of young audiences, you know? And then in terms of actually promoting the movie and its success, apparently that wasn’t allowed in that space.”

Page had been working as an actor since he was 10, but being thrust into Hollywood was a new experience for him that came as a shock. He was shamed, fired and told not to be himself – or that he would never succeed if he were himself.

“I got off track regarding my own personal trajectory and where I needed to go in my life,” he said. “Of course I made the choice to agree…but it didn’t feel like I had that much of a choice.”

“In those times in my life when I tried to come out on some level, or tried to take the first, even small, baby steps to share who I was — whether in personal life with family or in the industry itself – some of the reactions and the feedback I was getting understandably created this layer upon layer upon layer upon layer upon layer of shame and embarrassment that I swallowed, and it lived in my body and it held me back.

LOOK | Elliot Page’s interview with Tom Power:

A very public transition

Page boy follows a non-linear structure intended to represent the actor’s experience as a queer and trans person.

“I think a lot of people can identify with knowing who you are when you’re very young but don’t necessarily have the language for it, then getting older, a lot of noise getting in the way, people filling you with ideas and stories that distract you from your truth.Come close, pull back, get close, pull back,” he told Power.

What does it mean to switch publicly? It just felt so big.-Elliot Page

He felt it was important to begin the book by exploring the impact the “pressure from the Hollywood machine” had on him afterwards Juno was released, because then he became more known to the public. Page said that digging up the shame he felt when he was “so, so, so locked up” was cathartic and healing.

“I wanted to start with a period at a time when I felt like I was creeping closer to my truth, so to speak,” he explained. “Or at least get to a place where I wouldn’t let shame rule my life any longer than it did when I was growing up and in my adolescence.”

In his thirties, Page began to think about what it might mean for him to come out as transgender. “That was the first time I started saying, very much to myself and out loud to very few people, ‘I’m trans. I think I’m trans,'” he said.

“I let that exist for a while, and then I pushed that away. A big part of that reason was, well, obviously I wasn’t ready, I guess. But also the feeling of ‘How is this possible?’ Like, just like a well-known actor, what does that look like? What does it mean to transition publicly? It just felt so big.

“I was constantly talking myself out of it, you know? ‘Oh no, you just have to learn to be more comfortable. You just have to get tighter sports bras. You just have to dress this way. You just have to get this haircut.’ And trying all these things because I struggled to wrap my head around what would that look like What would that mean And then of course you know it took a few more years before I really took the steps I needed to to be myself and live my life.”

Trans stories are not a monolith

The opportunity to write a book had presented itself earlier in Page’s life, but he had never been able to embrace the idea. “I honestly didn’t think it was possible,” he told Power.

“I was just so uncomfortable inside myself. The thought of even being able to sit and create for hours was unattainable. Like I wasn’t part of my reality at all. And ever since I kind of stepped into my truth and into a body that feels like mine… the kind of creative energy and power that goes with it [and] because of that, it’s just been, you know, indescribable. Not something I imagined in my past. I struggled to see a future. I didn’t know what my future would look like.”

In the end, Page chose to share his story because of the potential it had to help others.

“We are in this climate [in], with such extreme anti-trans rhetoric, lies and misinformation about our lives, it felt like an opportunity to seize,” he said. “With this platform that I have, knowing how many stories have helped me, changed my life, have given me comfort and support. And I felt like by potentially sharing mine, if that could reach someone and make them feel less alone or seen, that felt worth it to me, I think.

Still, Page noted that increasing visibility for the trans community is complex. While it can reassure people to know they are not alone, it can also make those same people a target.

“Backlash comes with visibility, which naturally disproportionately impacts the most marginalized and vulnerable people in the community,” Page said. “My life doesn’t reflect the experiences of most transgender people. People who are disproportionately likely to be unemployed, homeless, experience violence, incarceration — especially black transgender people. And it’s important that, you know, my story isn’t a universal story for potentially some people who maybe not very familiar with the trans community or haven’t read many books by trans and queer authors that I definitely wish people would read.”

Instead of struggling with shame and guilt, Page today wakes up feeling present, embodied, and joyful.

“I feel so much joy hanging out with my trans friends, and we’re just together and sharing space and laughing and doing karaoke, you know? Like when I was here [in Toronto] shooting the fourth season [of The Umbrella Academy]visited friends and [we’d] go to Canada’s Wonderland and ride rollercoasters, and to High Park and spend hours wandering around the community. To me, [what’s] The key to joy right now is community.”

The full interview with Elliot Page is available at our podcast, Q with Tom Power. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts from.

Interview with Elliot Page produced by Lise Hosein.