I was a lifelong thrifter, committed to buying second-hand. Then I became addicted

As someone who has always been passionate about second-hand fashion, my addiction to shopping came as a shock to me. Growing up in a small town, I developed a love for thrifting and finding unique pieces that expressed my creativity. Vintage shopping excursions with friends in my youth were always a highlight, and I relished the one-of-a-kind treasures I would uncover.

However, as the pandemic hit and plans were put on hold, my relationship with shopping took a turn. Alone and feeling depressed, I found myself turning to online shopping as a way to lift my spirits. What started innocently enough with a local Facebook group dedicated to mindful consumption of second-hand fashion quickly spiraled into a full-blown addiction. The thrill of opening packages and trying on new outfits provided a temporary boost, but it was never enough.

I found myself buying more and more, both second-hand and new items. The excitement of finding the perfect piece that would make me feel better consumed me, and I became fixated on acquiring specific items, even if they weren’t in my size or no longer available second-hand. My credit card debt mounted, and I was left feeling ashamed and hypocritical, having strayed from my values of ethical consumption.

As lockdowns lifted and I entered menopause, my body and moods underwent significant changes. Feeling alien in my own skin, I turned to shopping in a desperate attempt to find comfort and acceptance. It was only when I stopped berating myself and delved deeper into the emotional layers of my addiction that I began to see a path forward.

I realized that I was trying to buy back my past self, to regain a sense of control and identity in the face of overwhelming change. By acknowledging these underlying motivations and addressing them head-on, I was able to take steps towards curbing my impulses and regaining my confidence.

Now, before making a purchase, I ask myself a series of questions to ensure that I truly need the item and that it aligns with my values. I have rediscovered the joy of activities like playing the drums and cycling, which serve as healthier, mood-boosting alternatives to shopping. By focusing on self-acceptance and finding fulfillment in activities that bring me joy, I am slowly breaking free from the grip of my addiction.

While the journey towards recovery is ongoing, I am committed to upcycling old pieces, purging my closet, and embracing my changing body with grace and acceptance. Shopping may have provided a temporary escape, but true fulfillment lies in self-love and self-care.