Ask Lisi: My sister’s husband left her after five months

Dear readers: Not long ago, a woman wrote to me how much she enjoys both my and my mother’s columns. She said that she and her husband read to us every morning and discussed both the questions and the answers. As an octogenarian, she noticed how many of the questions were topics she and her husband knew nothing about, when many were the same issues generation after generation.

She also noted how good her husband was at deciphering who was writing based on the answer. And on Saturday, her youngest granddaughter woke up from her sleepover at their house and they discussed all three columns. It brought them together as a family.

My mom and I were touched that our columns were being used to bring a family into conversation. Unfortunately, the same woman recently wrote that her husband passed away suddenly. Her son asked if she wanted him to cancel the newspaper, thinking it was something his father was only interested in. She said no.

She wrote me that her morning routine is the same, although she is home alone, but that one of her children or grandchildren now almost always calls her to discuss the columns.

We are so sorry for your loss, but we are glad to be a part of your loving memories with your husband, to be a thread that weaves your family together, and to help you get through each day without your loved one.

Q Last month my sister came home from work to find her house half empty. Her new husband, whom she had married just five months earlier, had left. He had taken everything that belonged to him, from his toiletries to his clothes to his collection of sports memorabilia. He’d even packed the couch in the basement he’d taken from his bachelor apartment.

He didn’t touch anything of hers or anything they collected together in wedding gifts or furnishings for their fairly new home. He left no letter or forwarding address. Just a text saying, “I’m leaving.”

My sister has been destroyed. She thought they were the newest, happiest couple alive. They had a whirlwind romance; they quickly got engaged and bought a house together. Then they had a big wedding with friends and family flying in from all over the world. For our gang it was the first big party since the pandemic and everyone was in full glory to get together and celebrate the happy couple.

She had no idea about his accident or anything deceitful going on behind the scenes. She’s tried calling, but he’s not answering. Besides the obvious emotional support, what can I do to help her?

Sideline sister

a How awful for your sister to go through. Yes, you should give her as much emotional support as possible. Spend time with her and offer to sleep over if you can. Give her the space and safety to run through the range of emotions she will feel.

I also suggest that you don’t bombard her with the practical side of it all, like with divorce proceedings, finances, etc. Let her sort these things out on her own. She may turn her anger on you if you accidentally upset her.

However, you could do some research and figure out who to talk to when she’s ready. She needs a divorce lawyer and a good accountant. She will also benefit from discussing this with a professional therapist. She needs help processing the perceived abandonment, rejection, and perhaps even self-imposed guilt.

Stand next to your sister. She will need you.

FEEDBACK: As for the woman who isn’t sure if a new friend’s attentions are nice or not (May 17):

Reader: “A step? This fun and vivacious woman squeezed your leg as you sat together giggling and bending over. I wouldn’t assume a come-on…. Why is that your go-to?

“But you can’t confide in your husband, because then he would be jealous and make jokes?! That’s your bigger problem there.

“For the first issue, how about assuming nothing inappropriate was intended unless something else happens that makes you think she’s making sexual advances? Or just ask her if she made a pass or not. If she wasn’t, you can keep giggling.

As for your husband, maybe it’s time to have a frank conversation with him. It seems that his attitude towards jealousy and homosexuality is an issue that needs to be addressed.”

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