Ask Ellie: I think my work friend put me in a dangerous situation

Q I am a woman whose close colleague suddenly found out that her mother, who lives abroad, was very ill and needed her for at least a week. As she hurried to arrange her flight, my friend handed me two tickets to a play opening a few nights later, intended for herself and a friend. Then she hurried out the door.

Three days later I checked the tickets and went alone to the theater where the play was performed. Imagine my surprise when a man – a complete stranger to me – sat down next to me in the chair. I asked him where he got the card from, and he mentioned my colleague’s name and her mother’s illness.

But I felt uncomfortable. I am alone and he is a stranger to me. Although the piece was interesting, I couldn’t concentrate on it. I stood up quickly during intermission to avoid chatting. Then he found me, a wine glass in his hand, and asked if I wanted one too. I shook my head and stormed into the ladies room.

Towards the obvious end of the piece, I stood up abruptly, headed for the aisle, muttering “Sorry, sorry,” and soon found an Uber outside.

When I got home safely, I was nervous and trembling, wondering why my colleague would put me in a situation that could have been very unpleasant or even worse.

What do you think of her lack of concern for me?

Aliens danger

a Your friend hurried, worried about her mother’s health. However, she took her time and got you tickets to a play she thought you would enjoy so they wouldn’t get lost.

Since the man sitting next to you was her friend and no stranger to her, he was unlikely to harm you, her colleague. You used the phrase “strange danger” which makes me wonder why you were so scared that this man even offered you a glass of wine.

I understand that today’s busy urban neighborhoods present some troubling situations, and anyone who is skittish on their own should think about where they go alone and under what circumstances.

But anxiety can be more limiting than just meeting someone you don’t know, especially when your boyfriend trusts you to join without incident.

When she returns, your friend may inform you about the man in the next seat. I hope you will be reassured of her good intentions.

I also hope for you that while some caution is advised when meeting an unexpected stranger, it is just as important to convey your own confidence and recognize the difference between an aggressive intruder and someone whose seat was accidentally next to them . yours. However, if you are past the danger that triggers your fears, a consultation with a therapist would be very helpful.

FEEDBACK: As for “Dance Dad” wondering what to do with a daughter who loves to dance but feels like she’s no good at it (June 21):

Reader: “I had a similar situation with my daughter who loves music. She took private lessons, practiced constantly and loved playing in public. But she had no rhythm at all.

“She played well enough to attend an art-based high school, which gave her the opportunity to explore many different forms of artistic expression. I’m so glad I never told her what a bad musician I thought she was.

“This writer’s daughter’s love of dance is just the beginning of her decision about what comes next. Let her enjoy it and see where it goes.”

FEEDBACK As for the obese adult son (June 17?):

Reader: “The father can try to help his son, but obesity is a medical problem, with medical resources that people simply don’t think about because they are judgmental.

“That father needed to hear this: ‘Take your child to a doctor who specializes in medical weight loss, not diets.’ They will prescribe weight loss drugs to help his son get started.

“They’ll help him understand and deal with his triggers so they don’t destroy his self-esteem.”

Ellie: The father’s letter indicated that his son, in his 50s, felt isolated by the pandemic and reverted to overeating which brought him passing moments of happiness, then deep disappointment at the abandonment of his previous successful weight-loss program.

Yes, medically based diets can be effective and should be tried. But regaining his personal drive to lose weight has the strong potential to boost his self-esteem.

Ellie’s tip of the day: If you are triggered by past traumatic events, professional therapy may be helpful.

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