Ask Lisi: My husband can’t stand my best friend’s partner

Q Recently I was at an outdoor sports tournament for my nine-year-old son. Sitting on the sidelines for hours, I started talking to the woman who had set up camp next to me. In the beginning we only asked the basic questions, as in: which child is yours? What class is he in? Which school?

Her phone rang a few times while we were talking and she answered each time. She seemed annoyed with every call. Soon after, the conversation turned to how she scolded her husband for being absolutely useless in her absence, how he failed to complete the simplest of tasks without calling her multiple times, and how her annoyance was about to spill over. bubbling. All the while, we were both watching our own kids and shouting encouragement for positive moves on the field.

Before the conversation turned, we exchanged numbers because the kids were going the same night the following week, and it was nice to have contact with another parent while the kids would be away.

The day ended awkwardly, because I didn’t know what to tell her about her husband. But now she’s texting me incessantly, apologizing for being so open, embarrassed by what she said, hoping I’ll forget everything. I texted back not to worry, and we all have bad days, but she won’t let go.

What shall I do?

Fake friend

a You told me you responded with words and kindness, but this woman is clearly embarrassed about what she shared and nervous because she doesn’t know you. Your range of responses in the future will depend on how you want the relationship to continue.

If you’re okay with keeping this woman only as an acquaintance, just reply with emojis the next time she texts. You could reply one more time with reassuring words, but then you have to close it. Emojis or reactions.

However, if you want to cultivate the friendship, I suggest you meet her in person. Once together, you can assure her that everyone has bad days, gets annoyed with their spouses, and shares too much information. It’s all right.

Note to Readers: This clearly came at the right time, so I emailed the writer directly. I chose to post the question anyway because awkward moments like this happen all the time and we all wonder how to respond.

Q My best friend and I have done everything together since we met in first grade. We went to the same high school, chose the same college, and got engaged within six months of each other. We quietly discussed our weddings as we both really wanted to be there for each other’s big day. It worked.

We then both got pregnant around the same time and had our babies quite close together. We couldn’t be happier for each other. And we had the best time! We take our kids to almost all of the same shows and just start living together.

What’s the problem? Our husbands. They don’t gel at all. They literally have nothing in common, nothing to talk about and they get on each other’s nerves. Double dating is not a thing.

We don’t get it. i love her husband; she loves mine; and it’s mutual.

How do we get the boys on board?

Double effort

a Try to talk to your spouses separately. Hear them out. There may be a legitimate issue between them. If that can’t be resolved, try talking to them together so they really understand how much it would mean to both of you if they could put their differences aside.

FEEDBACK: On the child who faints at the sight of blood (May 22):

Reader: “Just some information the mother could use to help her daughter:

From the Mayo Clinic: “Vasovagal syncope (vay-zoh-VAY-gul SING-kuh-pee) occurs when you pass out because your body overreacts to certain triggers, such as seeing blood or extreme emotional stress. It can also be called neurocardiogenic syncope.”

From Nationwide Children’s: Vasovagal syncope – the term for a rapid drop in blood pressure and heart rate that can cause fainting. The good news is that most children will outgrow or learn to control an extreme reaction to the sight of blood.

From WebMD: “How do I stop feeling faint when I see blood?”

When you start to feel light-headed, tighten the muscles in your arms, legs, and torso for about 10 to 15 seconds to raise your blood pressure and prevent fainting.’”

Lisa: Thank you so much for these quick tidbits. Very helpful.

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