Calgary-made bereavement bears help heal the hurt

Nothing can fill the hole left by the death of a loved one, but one Calgary woman is stitching together something especially personal to help sew some memories into that void.

Cindy Alpaugh uses clothing, blankets and other pieces of fabric that are important to grieving families to create ‘bereavement bears’ designed to offer personalized comfort in a time of grief.

“What I try to do is get to know them a little bit,” Alpaugh told CTV News.

“I think that’s really important. Like, if I don’t know them really well already it’s important that I know them and their story and that way I can make sure I get it just right.”

Tyler Leblanc lost his father Daniel on Jan. 3, 2021, when he died of a heart attack.

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“I think that made it even more difficult, the surprise,” said Leblanc. “My mom passed away two years before Dad with lung cancer and that was dragged out for a long time and it was almost like a relief when it was over, where Dad he was kind of just gone.”

Leblanc wanted to honour his father in a way that reflected and focused on who he was as a person rather than the pain and sadness of his passing.

“I just wanted something that I could have that would be a little more sentimental, a little closer.”

SEARCH FOR A SEAMSTRESS

Leblanc began searching sites like Kijiji and Facebook Marketplace in hopes of finding an experienced seamstress who could create something meaningful for his Dad.

Leblanc soon connected with Alpaugh, who has been sewing since she was nine years old.

“I can make a pair of jeans, I can make a ski coat, I think I can probably figure out how to make a bear,” said Alpaugh.

Alpaugh had made teddy bears out of old baby clothes for people before, but Leblanc’s request was unique in the sense she had yet to create a bear that was meant to offer comfort in a time of grief.

“Tyler approached me and he was my very first bereavement bear and that’s pretty much all I do now for bears.”

GONE TOO SOON

On April 10, 2021, Farole Kikkert suffered every parent’s worst nightmare – losing her son Colton far too soon.

“He was 12 years old, just about 13 when he passed away,” said Kikkert. “He had a very rare condition called Addison’s disease… and passed suddenly at home.”

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Kikkert recalls the days following her son’s death were a blur, so when a close friend of hers asked if she could have some of Colton’s clothes, Kikkert simply handed her friend something out of Colton’s hamper, unaware what it would be used for.

‘OUT WHERE I CAN SEE HIM’

On Oct. 14, 2021, Brenda Luco also suffered the sudden loss of a child, when her son Cody died unexpectedly at the age of 33.

“Cody was just such a lovely young man,” recalled Luco. “He was a very gentle, kind soul. Loved people – he always wanted to help people.”

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After his passing, Luco found herself looking at all of Cody’s clothes hanging in the closet and realized how many memories of her son were contained amongst those pieces of fabric.

“I thought, ‘you know what? I don’t want them in the closet, I want them out where I can see them as a memory,'” said Luco.

Similar to Leblanc, Luco searched online for someone who could make a bear to honour who her son was, and quickly found Alpaugh.

When it came to the fabric, Luco ended up settling on a particular plaid jacket that her son loved… and she loved to hate.

“He wore this tattered plaid all the time and I always said, ‘Cody please I will buy you something (new)’ and he always said no,” said Luco.

“I went with this (jacket) because it was the one he loved and we created a lot of memories around it.”

HONOURING THE FABRIC

Alpaugh’s sewing room is filled with what looks to be scrap pieces of fabric, all labelled and neatly sorted.

She’s made about 58 bereavement bears featuring these cherished pieces of clothing and is currently working on 11 bears for a family that wants to honour their late grandmother.

Every stuffed animal has its own unique characteristics based off clothes and hobbies of the loved one being remembered.

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Leblanc knew the best way to represent his late father was for the bear to feature clothes that boasted his Dad’s favourite hockey team.

“It’s the Toronto Maple Leafs,” laughed Leblanc, who is long-time Montreal Canadiens fan.

“If it’s not turned into a bear for my Dad then I don’t want it.”

Humour aside, Leblanc knew any tangible item of his father is now precious since his passing, and putting these garments into the hands of a stranger was no easy task.

“I was a little nervous because you only have a couple of those certain pieces but I trusted her,” said Leblanc.

SEEING THE BEARS FOR THE FIRST TIME

Each bereavement bear usually takes Alpaugh about three full work days to complete.

However, when a woman approached Alpaugh explaining that her friend just lost her 12-year-old son, she worked overtime to create a ‘Colton Bear’ for Kikkert.

“When we first saw what Cindy had done… it just had meant so much,” said Kikkert.

“His passing was so sudden, just to have something that we could hold and cuddle with and fall asleep with.”

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The Colton Bear now comes with the Kikkert family everywhere they go, serving as a piece of comfort and fond memories of his kind, adventurous spirit.

“He loved the outdoors. He was always outdoors,” said Kikkert. “He was a very special, sweet soul… he was very attuned with how others were feeling around him.”

When Brenda Luco saw her bear for her son Cody for the first time, that old tattered coat she used to roll her eyes at, became her most treasured piece of fabric.

“There were tears of course,” said Luco. “It’s just something that’s very memorable… I see the jacket but I also think of the memories. We did a lot of stuff together.”

When she looks at the bear now, she sees her son outside enjoying nature, something she struggled to do during the early days after his passing.

“This bear helped give me a focus,” Luco said. “Grief, over time, eases, but it’s hard at the very beginning.”

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When Tyler Leblanc approached Alpaugh about creating a bear for his Dad, he hoped his bear could also contain a special voice recording.

“It’s actually of the last voicemail from my Dad,” he said. “It was a few days before he passed away.

“Calgary got hit with a big snowstorm and he was calling to partly poke fun because we have such harsh winters here compared to the east coast.”

Alpaugh was able to deliver on Leblanc’s request, making two Toronto Maple Leaf-clad bears with the special recording tucked inside one of them.

While Leblanc admits listening to the recording is still difficult, the bears allow him to reflect on the friendly competitive banter he shared with his father, especially when their two rival hockey teams were playing each other.

“For myself, I just find this to be happier of a memory, even though it’s so hard to listen to it or sometimes look at (the bears), I just think there’s more connection to it,” said Leblanc.

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‘SEWING IS MY SUPERPOWER’

It’s been more than two years now since Kikkert, Leblanc, and Luco received their bears.

While there is no set length or duration for grief, all three have been thankful to have something to hold onto during the hard moments.

The bears have also been used as stand-ins during special occasions, including a balloon release that happens for Colton every April on the anniversary of his passing.

A quick online search for ‘bereavement bears’ will produce plenty of results with many sites offering their sewing services to create similar bears to the ones Alpaugh makes.

While there are costs associated with creating these cherished mementos, Alpaugh isn’t interested in launching a full-time business, even though she certainly has the skillset and demand to do so.

What matters most to Alpaugh is using her talent to help people heal during their time of grief.

“Sewing is my superpower, so that’s why I’ll probably continue to do it for as long as I can,” she said.