Dating Diaries: Lack of chemistry killed this date from the start
the daters: Amy and Gilbert
Amy says: “When I met Gilbert, I had just gotten out of the long-term relationship I’d been in since my early 20s. I was trying to figure out who I was, independent of that partner and that relationship. It was about six months ago at that point. Amy adds: “I was looking for someone who is smart, funny and down to earth, someone who likes to try new things and have adventures in and out of town.”
How we met: Online
Where we went: A hotel bar
I liked that Gilbert seemed nice, funny and professional. His pictures were nice and he seemed attractive. He didn’t necessarily seem like the man of my dreams or anything, but he seemed like a fun hang. Maybe it will lead to something more.
While we were chatting online, Gilbert told me he was going into town that weekend for a conference at a posh hotel. I got the impression that he would get somewhere close as he knew the inner city neighborhoods well. He asked if I wanted to get together after his conference ended.
“I thought if things went well I could admit my lie, and if not I had a way out!
I had a friend come to town later that day. I told Gilbert my friend would come in around 4pm when he didn’t get in until 6am. I thought if things went well I could admit my lie, and if not I had a way out! We agreed to meet at the hotel bar. It was a fun place with some great curated cocktails.
Gilbert was cute. While we were waiting to be seated, with several other people waiting, Gilbert started small talk and jokes, which is actually my worst nightmare. I was already feeling uncomfortable and hoped I would feel different after we sat down and had a drink.
“Gilbert barely looked at the menu and then ordered a house beer”
At the bar, Gilbert barely glanced at the menu, then ordered a house beer. Small red flag. Then he told me that he is not actually somewhere close as I thought, but lives far away from Toronto. He hadn’t said that when we were chatting.
The conversation was weak. We had zero chemistry. As long as we talked about work, it was okay, but as soon as we deviated from that, it dried up. I had never had so little to discuss with anyone! I did get the impression that Gilbert thought the date was going well. Major points to our server, who noticed my empty glass dropped on the table and asked me if I wanted another. The answer was a resounding yes.
“I didn’t know how to react”
The waiter also brought us a snack tray with some nuts, pretzels and olives. Gilbert looked confused as he peered into the tray and finally asked what “those” were, pointing to the mix of olives. I told him: they are olives. He pointed to some other olives and asked what they were. I said, “Olives too.” He said, “But why are they different colors?” I didn’t know how to react.
He then tried one of those math games on me, the kind where you come up with a number and then add and subtract it, and do this and here’s your number. I agreed, and when he guessed the number, I said yes, you got it. Either he wasn’t impressed enough with my reaction, or he was just very proud of his trick, because he looked at a group next to us and asked me if I should try it on them.
Despite my strong discouragement, Gilbert turned to them, interrupted their conversation, and performed the same trick. He wasn’t clumsy at all, in all of this. He had every confidence in it. I think this is also why he seemed so comfortable talking about the city. It seemed like he had probably always been good at things, and they were easy for him, so he had that confidence. Or maybe it was just bravado.
“I was out of my chair and gone before he even had a chance to get up”
A moment later his phone rang. He said his friends were also at the conference and asked if they could join us. I checked my own phone, was horrified that my boyfriend had arrived in town ahead of schedule, and said that his friends absolutely had to come, but that I had to go.
Gilbert looked disappointed, but said he understood. I tried to pay for my drinks but he insisted on paying. I was out of my chair and out before he even had a chance to get up.
Amy rates her date (out of 10): 1
