Ask Lisi: How do I get my sister back?

Q My parents had five children, of which I am the youngest. My oldest sister was big on dance, gymnastics, acro, etc. My oldest brother was a hockey player. My middle brother and sister – twins – were just ready to follow in their footsteps. My brother was fine, but not my sister.

When I came, my parents asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted football and I got it. My next oldest sister begged me to switch to soccer with me, but my parents wouldn’t let her. They felt that she had already started on the dance path and needed to continue.

Of all our siblings, she was the only one they didn’t really understand, or want to figure out. I tried to talk to my parents, but they wouldn’t listen. Her desperation turned to anger and she turned it on me. She was horrible to me, which made my parents mad at her.

It was a vicious circle. As soon as she could, she left the house and distanced herself from the rest of us.

We are all adults now; our parents are elderly. Fortunately, we are all healthy, successful in our world, have families of our creation and stay close. But not them. My other siblings have long since given up, but I can’t. I feel like she was misunderstood and ignored and I want to be there for her. But she still pushes me away.

How do I get my sister back?

Sad sister

a You were wise and observant beyond your years and recognized what was happening in your house. But you were a child and couldn’t change the course of action. Five kids is a lot and your parents clearly didn’t have the bandwidth for all of them. I’m sure they did their best.

Contact your sister. If she doesn’t return your calls, text or email her. If she doesn’t answer, send a real letter by regular mail. If you still don’t get an answer, try going to her house. Just to talk. Start right off by saying you are aware of her distrust, her anger, and her desire to not be part of the family. Tell her you’re not there to change her feelings.

Get her the message that you just want to be her sister. That you love her and want to be a part of her life in any way you can.

She is clearly hurt and could use your love and support.

FEEDBACK: About the hurt mother forgotten on Mother’s Day (May 30):

Reader: “I am a stepfather who has watched my stepchildren forget their mother on Mother’s Day for the past 13 years. They are 25 and 28.

“I didn’t care about your full-on reaction to ‘take off your big girl panties and get over it… Maybe she forgot, maybe she had some other reason.’

“I don’t want to offend you, but that’s a typical response from mothers who make excuses for their kids. Mother’s Day is the second Sunday of every May. Children live and breathe on their phone, which has a calendar on it. I am tired of seeing my wife, who does so much for her children, get hurt every Mother’s Day.

“I will say this though, you gave good advice to wait for her to calm down and go forward to talk to the daughter. That’s always good advice and I use it because I need to have a chat with my stepchildren about Mother’s Day this year and years past. Because let’s face it: there is NO EXCUSE!”

Lisa: On behalf of all mothers, thank you!

FEEDBACK As for a porn star’s mustache (May 27):

Reader 1: “She should talk to her son about getting a sense of humor. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. I used to have a huge mustache. My daughters used to braid it with string and beads. It would collect so much food that you could make soup at the end of the day.

“I had it for years and then shaved it off when my wife stopped kissing me. My daughter recently told me to grow it back. Maybe she was joking. Maybe I should just do that, just for a laugh.”

Reader 2: “My husband had a full beard and mustache from the day I met him. I fell in love with him, not his facial hair. I never asked him to shave. After 10 years of marriage, he surprised me with a clean face.

“I fell in love with him all over again.”

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