Ask Lisi: My sister invited us to her cottage. It was shocking

Q My daughter and her boyfriend have decided to take the summer off, travel and look for work along the way. In my opinion they are still young so I insisted they have a place to stay and a job for the first part of their journey.

I like her boyfriend very much. He is very easy going and respectful. I wasn’t worried about her safety knowing he would be with her. However, neither of them are very motivated and could easily fall into a lazy pattern of sleeping in, hanging out and not working – which is why I insisted they have a job to go to.

They left about a month ago; they both found work at a resort with rooms on site. They weren’t allowed to live together because of their age, so they each got a roommate in the gender-specific “dormitory.” At first they both enjoyed their jobs and I was so happy for both of them.

Unfortunately a new manager has taken over my daughter’s department and he is very tough. He seems to do everything he can to keep the kids apart. He has changed her schedule twice in the past week so she can’t see her boyfriend.

She calls me several times a day, completely miserable. This is not what she signed up for, and I agree. She wants to quit and her boyfriend will follow suit. They will get paid what they owe, but it won’t be pretty because they will break their contracts.

How do I advise her?

Remote parenting

a If your daughter is miserable, what lesson will she learn from staying under the thumb of a tyrant? It’s a summer job, not her career. I suggest she and her boyfriend find another job or move on to the next leg of their journey. I also suggest that they go to HR together and that her boyfriend stays close. Something in your longer letter makes me think this manager has an ugly side and should be avoided.

And if the kids are a week or two between jobs, that’s okay. Better they are safe, in my opinion.

Q My sister-in-law invited us for a long weekend at her cottage. When we arrived the place was a mess. Half-empty beer cans on the table and around the campfire; mostly empty bowls of chips in the living room; and unflushed toilets in two of the three bathrooms. Every bed had been slept in and hadn’t been made.

I called to tell her and to my surprise she laughed. She said her nephew from her other side had borrowed the cottage for two days and had some friends. Then she said, ‘Just choose which room you want. You will find new sheets in the drawers.”

Real?!? This is not how I would treat a guest – family or otherwise. What shall I do?

Maid or guest?

a Oh dear. That sounds awful. I’m just confused why she wasn’t there when she invited you over for the weekend. But anyway, I think you have three choices:

1) Call a cleaning company and pay for it. Your sister-in-law may or may not pay you back. You can enjoy the cottage once it is cleaned.

2) Clean up what you feel comfortable with when cleaning and enjoy the weekend.

3) Departure.

I feel like there’s more to this story that you haven’t shared with me. It’s definitely a strange situation, which is why I feel like you left out some key points.

But the choice is yours – if you want to enjoy the cottage you need to make it as comfortable as you like. If not, you miss the weekend.

FEEDBACK: About the woman with a physical disability (May 30):

Reader 1: “She’s already said the best line: ‘I have a hand that just doesn’t work right.’

“Even children will understand.”

Lisa: I agree with that.

Reader 2: “Sorry Lisi, but I totally disagree with your advice to Not Too Handy. She has a physical disability; no need to joke to make her new acquaintances more comfortable. If prompted, simply explain the problem and move on. Her real friends can handle it.

“Disabled people shouldn’t have to make jokes to make others more comfortable.”

Lisa: You are absolutely right about people with disabilities not being allowed to make jokes. But sometimes humor and lightheartedness go a long way. She asked my advice on how to explain what is happening to people she doesn’t know. I went with humor.

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