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Ask Lisi: My teenage daughter keeps exaggerating

Q My daughter tells me more than I want to know. She is a young teenager and we are very close. Her older sister is reserved, they don’t have much in common and she is impatient with her younger sister.

So the younger turned to me. I love being close to my daughter, but I feel like sometimes she tells me things a father shouldn’t be discussing. For example, I’m obviously concerned and helpful when she has menstrual cramps and back pain, but I don’t need to know the physical details of her cycle (unless it’s unusual, which it isn’t).

If she starts getting specific, I suggest she talk to her mom, and she will. I am a very involved father, but I don’t want to be that involved.

How do I explain to my daughter that boundaries are healthy in any relationship and that this is beyond my comfort level?

Details dad

a You mention that your daughter has a mother who is still your wife. Work on this with her. Explain to her that you don’t feel comfortable – not because you’re a prude, but you just feel it’s out of your wheelhouse and your daughter has her for female guidance and mentoring.

Your daughter may get distant feelings from her mother as she does from her older sister. You did not mention your wife’s personality. Maybe your daughter doesn’t feel comfortable with her.

I suggest having a group discussion where you could say to your daughter, “This topic is a bit too much for me. I’d rather you discuss that with your mother.’ But if she persists, or comes out and says she’d rather talk to you, then your dad should accept the challenge.

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Q My problem, in short, is that I don’t have one. Does this mean I am not living life to the fullest?

Anonymously

a You could be pulling my leg with this question, but I chose to answer it anyway. Consider yourself lucky, for starters.

Do you live safely and quietly for an easy life, without avoidable problems? Maybe. I don’t know – you didn’t give me any information at all.

Are you just a happy person where everything works out for you as you would like, and therefore you have no problems? Maybe.

Or are you just easygoing and unbothered by things so you don’t allow it when something might upset you?

All I know is that life isn’t perfect for anyone. There are many things that we have no control over. But my concern here is that you live in denial and one day your world will implode and you won’t be able to handle it because you have no experience in damage control.

A friend of mine once told me that she and her husband never argued. I thought it was the most absurd thing to brag about because it meant they never had deep discussions. Guess? They are divorced.

On the other hand, I had a friend in high school who always seemed to have problems – with school for not doing her homework; with her parents for breaking curfew; with her friends for doing stupid things. But she always recovered, had many good friends, a loving family life and good grades. This same girl got into a car accident that changed her life drastically. Guess? If anyone could handle it, it was her, and she does, because she was resilient and experienced in dealing with negativity in her life.

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Take a good look in the mirror and find out why your life is so perfect.

FEEDBACK: On the man who misses sex with his wife (May 25):

Reader: “There may be underlying issues with his wife that are causing this loss. My two thoughts:

“First, his wife may be experiencing perimenopause, which may affect her hormones and her sex drive.

“Two, their children are transitioning into adulthood and there are already signs that they are going to leave the nest. The fact that his wife spends time with the younger child could be her recognizing this and enjoying the rest of this part of the family life they all had together.

“When starting a family, the days are long and the years are short. His wife may see the end in sight and experience a form of anticipatory grief that portends an empty nest. If any of these things are true for the husband, he may want to join in the hanging out himself. The sports TV will always be there.”

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