Ask Lisi: Why is his wife so jealous of our friendship?

Q My father and mother married young and had me when they were teenagers. Their marriage didn’t last and they divorced when I was a child. Fortunately, they remained friendly and I have a good relationship with both.

My mother got into another relationship and I have a brother or sister who is several years younger than me. Her father was kind to me and treated me well, but their relationship didn’t last long and he is no longer a part of my life, although he sees my little sister.

Years later my mother had another boyfriend and we have another sibling from that union, but the man was never part of our family.

I am now in my early twenties, working, living at home with my mother and siblings, helping raise the youngest, and paying for everything my mother can’t afford on her own. Although I love her and we have a good relationship, I can’t understand what she thought to have me at such a young age, unable to afford basic necessities. I am so mad at her for putting me in this position – that is, having to raise her daughter and pay her bills.

How am I ever going to start my own life, have a relationship, save money for my future?

Dutiful daughter

a Life doesn’t always turn out the way we hope or plan. Your parents were young and then quickly responsible for a child. That may or may not have been the plan. Anyway, it didn’t turn out the way they had hoped.

But you have grown and matured into a sensible young woman. In your early 20s, it’s easy to move out and stop helping your mom with the bills and the baby. But you chose to stay. I’m sure your mom appreciates that.

It’s time to talk to your mother. Tell her how much you appreciate all she has done for you and how much you love her. Tell her your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Come up with a plan together in which you can still help her, but also save for your future. You may need to talk to someone who is financially literate, such as someone at your local bank branch. This is usually a free service.

Q I am very good friends with the principal of my children’s school. We met when he joined the workforce two years ago and we hit it off right away. We are both married with children, but have never introduced our spouses to each other, although we have each spent time with each other’s spouses.

His wife is angry that we have made plans to go out for dinner next week, just the two of us, to celebrate the end of school. We don’t get together much throughout the year as we are both busy with kids activities and family life.

I suggested inviting her, but when she found out my husband wasn’t coming, she said she felt like a third wheel and canceled. I’m fine with whether she comes or not. My husband happens to be out of town that day, which is why I booked the date.

Why does she make such a big thing out of nothing?

Mountain of a molehill

a Your friend’s wife sounds insecure and jealous. Should she be? I don’t get that feeling when reading your letter, but I’m not there. Maybe she sees something in her husband when he talks to you, or about you.

Here’s an idea: Why not offer to take the food to their house. That way, she’ll feel comfortable and secure in her territory and hopefully enjoy the evening, seeing that your friendship is just that.

FEEDBACK As for the feedback about an elderly man not wanting to go indoor locations (May 30):

Reader: “I had to chuckle at the audiologist’s answer that the 92-year-old man ‘may want to have a hearing test done by an audiologist’.

“In my experience, far from ‘wanting’ to have a hearing test, most men refuse to acknowledge any hearing loss and consider any form of hearing aid outright. It could be the amount of money for hearing aids, pride, or just stubbornness about acknowledging age. Even the not-so-subtle technique of handing out articles about the correlation between hearing loss and Alzheimer’s disease doesn’t seem to have any effect.

So if your ever-savvy readers have a solution to this problem, I’d love to hear it. Just old reluctantly accepting the need would suffice.

“Or is this just a passive-aggressive way to avoid female nagging?”

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