Relationship advice: 5-second breaks can help reduce aggression

Taking just a five-second break the next time you have an argument with your significant other could help defuse the situation, according to new research.

The study, conducted by researchers at Scotland’s University of St. Andrews, surveyed 81 couples and was published in the journal Nature.

“We wanted to see if we could reduce negative emotions, and thereby reduce aggression by just forcing people to take a short break,” explained Annah McCurry, a doctoral student at the university’s school of psychology and neuroscience, who led the study.

McCurry and her team were “very surprised” by their findings, which showed that taking five-, 10- and 15-second breaks had an equal effect on decreasing negative emotions and aggressive behavior between couples.

“We thought that five seconds would be far too short,” McCurry told CNN. “It was not the case… the five, 10 and 15 seconds had an identical effect.”

The study was conducted by creating feelings of conflict and irritation through a competitive game, where couples could blast unpleasant noises to their partner at a volume of their choice.

For the experiment, the person on the receiving end would be forced to wait five, 10 or 15 seconds before deciding on the level of blast to send back while a 360-degree camera recorded their emotions.

Machine learning was used to code muscle movements on the face, and a system was used to infer emotion from these movements.

While they found that partners had a tendency to match each other’s levels of aggression, taking a short enforced or voluntary break could de-escalate and defuse negative emotions.

McCurry said it’s important to note that these findings apply to “mundane, everyday couples’ conflict,” not to situations of domestic violence or abuse.

“For couples experiencing conflict, everyday conflict like the kids or chores… we’ve shown that you can try to take a five second break. It might help. It’s free,” McCurry said. “The worst-case scenario is you waste five seconds taking a breath.”

‘Press each other’s buttons’

Other psychology experts said the findings reflect practices they have long been recommending.

“When things get heated, a little pause allows people to behave less impulsively,” said Mariko Visserman, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Sussex, who wasn’t involved in the study. “Taking a step back may help us see the bigger picture and remind us that we do love our partner (and don’t actually hate them).”

Janet Reibstein, a clinical psychologist and professor emerita in psychology at the University of Exeter who authored the book “Good Relations: Cracking the code of how to get on better,” told CNN that the five-second strategy is particularly helpful because of how couples are attuned to each other.

“Couples are highly reactive to each other, because their relationship is so meaningful,” said Reibstein, who was not involved in the study. “There are myriad ways in which you can spark each other off, because you are so attuned to each other’s reactions and so dependent on them being what you wish them to be, and how you want them to be on your side.”

Though five seconds may seem brief, experts agree that you can accomplish more than you think in such a short period of time.

“This shows how fast our brains work and that we just need to give ourselves that tiny bit of an opportunity to let our brain do its magic,” said Visserman, who added that longer breaks might be needed when conflicts and emotions are more severe.

Whether the findings of the study can be applied to the general population is questionable, said Audrey Tang, a chartered psychologist who added that the majority of the participants in the study were students who did not live with each other.

“That could be very, very different (for) a couple who has been cohabiting or married for eight years,” she told CNN Thursday. “The dynamics will have changed, the ways of arguing will have changed, the techniques and strategies people use will have changed, they’ll probably know how to press each other’s buttons a little bit better.”

The participants of the study were also 83% White, which means that cultural nuances in people’s reactions may not be reflected, she added. Tang was not involved with the study.

The study was published August 7.